I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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