I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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