A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
