Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
