So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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