somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
