i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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