just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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