So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
