just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
