he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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