you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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