I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
