On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
