first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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