If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
