I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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