Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
