it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
