I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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