also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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