this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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