I'm gonna have a badass scar
so explain again why im purple
no
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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