btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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