My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
