I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
