coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
