we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
