Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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