she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
