Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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