i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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