Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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