soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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