i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
