just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
