went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
