I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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