He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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