Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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