she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
