we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
