Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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