Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
