even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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