i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
