so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
