Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
