At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
