I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
