thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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