i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
