I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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