He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
