Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Alive.
So much puke
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
