he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
