I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
