last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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