I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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