the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
