I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
