I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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