i barfeds in our rink
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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