My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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